


Yours in Sodomy

by facingthenorthwind (spacegandalf), poppunkpadfoot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, James Potter Loves Being Pegged, M/M, Yours In Sodomy, coronavirus is sending us all mad, mild crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23307604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegandalf/pseuds/facingthenorthwind, https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppunkpadfoot/pseuds/poppunkpadfoot
Summary: Sirius just wants to make some weekend plans to eat ice cream. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 98





	Yours in Sodomy

**Author's Note:**

> We saw [this tweet](https://twitter.com/dominicholden/status/1239266920551022592) and then.... this happened. Stay safe, check on your neighbours!

My Fellow Nasty Pigs,  
Do you lads want to come with me to Diagon Alley this weekend? I've got a hankering for some Fortescue's. RSVP.  
Yours in sodomy,  
Sirius

Dear Padfoot,  
What the fuck?  
Also, see you Saturday.  
Prongs

Padfoot,  
Did you mean to send the 'yours in sodomy' to all of us or only Moony? Because I do not remember doing any sodomy with you.  
Wormtail

My Dearest Wormy,  
Sodomy is not only a sexual act, but a state of mind! I assumed this was common knowledge, but I forgot about your tragic heterosexuality.  
Also, you and I have done emotional sodomy, as friends, and I am frankly wounded by your suggestion otherwise.  
I shall elaborate further on Saturday at Fortescue's.  
Yours. In. Sodomy!!  
Padfoot

Hello beloved,  
I am literally one room over. You could have stood up and walked a few steps. Merlin, you could have just hollered.  
Also, who are you calling a nasty pig?  
Yours,  
Remus  
P.S. Fortescue's this weekend sounds delightful.  
P.P.S. I feel like you walking a few steps is also necessary if you are interested in sodomy, friendship or otherwise.

My dearest darling most precious moonbeam,  
I think you of all people should be aware by now that I am extremely interested in sodomy of the distinctly non-friendship variety.  
You should also be aware that I am both lazy and, quote, "an incorrigible drama queen" (Lupin, Remus. Personal interview, 1978).  
I am ever so thrilled that you shall be joining us on our weekend excursion.  
All my love,  
~~Nasty Pig~~ Sirius

Padfoot,  
how the fuck did you send this to me. did you address it wrong or did you COPY IT OUT THREE TIMES just so we would all know that you two are definitely buggering right now.  
Please stop detailing your sodomy, Lily is reading these over my shoulder and laughing at me.  
Prongs

Prongs,  
I was merely trying to keep you in the loop about this weekend. Forgive me for wanting to turn these soft plans into hard plans.  
(Yes, Lily, that double entendre was intentional.)  
Stop being such a homophobe!  
Love you,  
Padfoot  
P.S. I most certainly did not "detail our sodomy", but I can if you want!

Dear Sirius,  
It is lovely to hear from you, particularly as James did not tell you I said hi in his last letter as I requested. So: hello! Unfortunately, as much as I do love our conversations, I would ask if you could stop sending James owls. We are busy. Or rather, I am trying to become busy, but he keeps getting distracted by the owls. It's not very conducive to the mood.  
Yours in Sodomy,  
Lily  
P.S. I think your owl might be about to have a heart attack. I'm not a vet, though. I gave him some water and a mouse that Minnie brought in an hour ago.

Padfoot,  
I mean -- if you're offering, I do have a few questions. ~~I support you and everything, but I'm rather confused about the mechanics. How do you~~  
Sincerely,  
Wormtail

Wormtail,  
Please don't do this. He's started drawing diagrams.  
Moony

Moony,  
Are they any good?  
Wormtail

Wormtail,  
Yes. I'm not done yet.  
Padfoot

What did I say about owls? Some of us are busy putting sodomy in action.  
Lily

Lily,  
PLEASE................... I AM BEGGING YOU TO ELABORATE.  
Comradely,  
Sirius

Lily,  
I'm pretty sure if he's still reading owls you're doing it wrong.  
Love,  
Remus

Everyone,  
I have never been so confused in my entire life. Sirius please send diagrams ASAP.  
Peter

Peter,  
I'm afraid he's currently consumed by all-encompassing glee, and has therefore temporarily paused production of the requested sodomy diagrams.  
If he doesn't get them finished I'm sure he'd be willing to (over)explain when we see you on Saturday.  
Best,  
Remus

I'm going to kill each and every single one of you.  
We shall never speak of this again.  
I'M LOCKING THE WINDOWS NOW.  
-James  
P.S.  
A lady doesn't fuck and tell, Sirius, which is why I will give you all the details you desire on Saturday. Also I'm invited now. Yours in Sodomy! Love, Lily


End file.
